Love

I serve an awesome God. I serve the one and only TRUE God that there is. And I have dedicated my life to serve Him because of what His son did for me, by dying on the cross. And this is the absolute truth. And everything in me would proclaim it if it could.
With that in mind lets move on, be real. Get down and dirty. I'm also a sinner. Darn, now you know. I fail, time and time again. I love God, yet I fall short of His glory over and over. But, here's the awesome part, I am forgiven. I am washed clean of all this nastiness, of all this filth. Because of Jesus Christ dying on the cross, I am forgiven. I am given eternal life. Not just because of that, but because I have faith. I believe that God sent Jesus to die in my place. Because I am this awful human being who pursues worldly things. I chase lusts. I worship other idols. But He forgave me. And He loves me despite these failures.
I'm also very prideful, well I used to be. Now I have just a little pride. The point being, I would be the last to admit that I was wrong. "No, how could it be? Me? Wrong?" Well, the Lord is working in me and I know that I cannot carry that with me anymore, I need to be the first to admit I am wrong, and I am at a fault and I need to move on. I am doing that.
We all are like this. Maybe not all, but a lot. And we have this pride and we carry our burdens all alone yet we claim to believe that God exists and sent His son to die in our place. But when we cast our sin and our problems and issues on Him, and we truly believe in His saving grace, it is the most freeing and incredible feeling.
I said earlier that I am a sinner. Personally I would say that the road I was on was a terrible one. It was a dark future. I had addictions, I chased man made desires, I was living life for me. Not for He. And it wasn't good. His grace saved me. It came in and rescued me. Made a new path for me. And part of that is these simple blog entries on what God is doing in my life.
In 1st John 4:16-17 the scripture says "We know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in His love. God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them. And as we live in God, our love grows more perfect."
For most of my life I lived a lie. I bottled everything inside of me. I locked up emotions. I claimed to be a believer yet had little faith. This faith is exploding because I finally put my trust in His love. His love is changing me. And love means nothing unless it is through Him. Absolutely nothing. It will fade. It cannot last without Him. Because like the verse says, "God is love." And this love will change your life like it has mine, if only you will accept what He has done for you.

Holy, Holy, Holy Lord God Almighty

I am so overwhelmed by God right now I can barely type these words. I know He is working through me. I feel Him. So long I've cried out for this. So long I've envied those who met with Him. Who felt his presence so powerful. I am consumed. I am transformed. I am crying tears of Joy for the first time in my life. In whats the worst week in a long time. It is the most incredible feeling ever, I didn't want it to end. His Spirit is alive and doing something in me and I am so excited to see what it is. I've never been able to worship like that, I've never been so overwhelmed so honored to be a part of something God is doing. And no one else shares this experience, and I am ok with that. I can't explain anything else, I just don't understand but this feeling is unmatchable.

Lay Em Down

A lack of motivation, an inability to focus has brought me back to this page once again. Who would have thought that writing things down could free my mind temporarily? Not really, but it definitely brings some sort of meaning to this. One way to pretend I've accepted it.
The good news is I have been given comfort by my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Last night was the first time I was actually alone since Sunday and it was terrifying at first. But I picked up my guitar, and began praising God despite this storm. In this spontaneous worship session I felt His spirit moving in me, weeping with me. Putting beautiful words on my heart to use in an already awesome song. Bringing me face to face with the Creator of the universe.

After this I spent some time reading His word. The verse John 3:16 came to my mind after reading some of Isaiah. So I ventured over. Now, I know its such a cliche verse, but its got so much packed into it. I was curious to read what came after. And Jesus is the one who says, "For God so loved the world that he sent His one and only Son...." but what John says at the end of the chapter speak even more loudly.
"Whoever believes in the Son has eternal life, but whoever rejects the Son will not see life, for God’s wrath remains on them." Now the importance of verse 16 cannot be expressed by mortal man, but the words of the apostle scream louder than anything that could ever leave my lips. Whoever rejects Jesus, will not see life but face the wrath of God. I am no biblical scholar by any means. I've read it way less than I should. But I know that when we've seen the wrath of God in the past it hasn't been pretty. And even though I am a believer and I know that because of the words of John 3:16 I will avoid this wrath, the thought of it still makes me sick. Not because I am skeptical of my faith. It is the only certainty in my life, and it will always be the only certainty. But because I have met people in the past, I have spent time with them. Yet I failed to share this awesome, terrifying news. Awesome that all it takes is faith and a simple prayer to be saved and get new life, but terrifying because ignoring God has cataclysmic consequences.
It is my prayer that despite the fact I don't always share my faith, that somehow God would use my life and how I live it to show them how incredible He is. How wonderful His life and His love are! And how much it changes absolutely everything.

Meaningless

Honestly, this hurts. I cannot breathe. All of the distractions wore off, I'm alone. I can't put anything on that stupid social networking site because I don't want peoples pity. I don't want them to know. They don't need to know. Its none of their freaking business. I don't want this. I never did. Not once. Not even at my highest point of anger. God is close to the broken. The problem is He had to break me to bring me closer to Him. If I hadn't ignored Him this wouldn't be a problem. That's whats most important in this, but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. And its doesn't mean it will go away.

Words

Words. Words suck. You can't take them back. Now I've said some dumb things. Especially leading up to today. Today was not a good day. But these words are about something I said a number of weeks ago. Coming off of a relationship high. An awesome concert. It was a ride from Tim Horton's with a girl from class. The conversation involved things going on and nobody having a good year. And I blurted out words that would later be tough to swallow. They went something like this. "2011 is awesome so far. It could be one of the best of my life. I feel bad that everyone's having a bad year and I'm having a good one."
A plethora of dumb mistakes and more words I would later regret left me just a number of weeks later, on one bad day that erases the great year. And its March. MARCH! I am so frustrated and angry and lost and confused. And I have no way of expressing it except in this stupid blog. Stupid. All I have to express myself is a word that I would not deem appropriate and it rhymes with what hockey players play with.
I feel like such a failure. Like all I've worked for, and lost, only to get back, and lose only to get back once again has been taken away once more. And its worse than anything I have ever imagined. And my words are not just empty feelings on this page you may or may not be reading. They are emotions. They are regret. They are remorse. They are a searing pain through my shattered heart. I had dreams. I had a plan. I can't feel anything anymore. I want to want something else, but I can't.
I feel incapable of anything. A man without confidence. I wrote a song just over three years ago. It was the first song I ever wrote. It was called broken and empty. Now I'm not saying that because I feel it again, even though I do. I am saying it because it was the first song I ever wrote. And the only song I've ever written that was written at a point before I ever had feelings for this girl. And those words from that first song will be instilled in my mind for a long long long time.

Lack of... Something

Months of not writing blogs has left a void in my life. It's probably not that. It's probably something else that I have yet to discover, but for now the reason for that emptiness is blogging. Sports opinions are what I do best. However bias they may be. Today's may be a long, random one because I have many topics to catch up on.
First let us go back to February. The best sporting event of my young life. Yes, greater than game of the 2007 Stanley Cup Finals. Now I know I live in Canada. And I love sports. Typically, 97 percent of the time (random number) Canadian sports fans only love hockey, or maybe the CFL. Now don't get me wrong I admire and respect both leagues for what they are. And watch any hockey games that are on, and any Lions games and Playoff matches I can spare the time to watch, but the NFL is a game that none of these can compare to. The Green Bay Packers have been my favorite team since I have been a fan of the game. I had a St. Louis Rams hat many years ago, but that was a gift before I'd ever watched a game.
Green and Yellow quickly became my bloodline (For the one of you out there that may read this those are Packer playoff references). I found myself watching any televised game, and enjoyed it more than watching my beloved Lions. To understand how much that means, you need to know my bedroom is painted orange with over sized Lions logos on two walls and paws all across the top of the room. My heart was broken amidst last years loss to the Arizona Cardinals. But I knew Aaron Rodgers would lead the team to some Super Bowls.
Now, nothing excited me as much as knowing the Pack would be in the championship game. I watched every piece of interviews before hand. I was ecstatic to say the least. Greg Jennings, my favorite Packer, tweets were the highlight. Something about his posting scripture made it not just about football anymore. And made my joy in the victory that much greater.
None of this is really structured. Just some random thoughts. I'll be back soon, the Ducks season is getting intense. And I cannot wait to make the playoffs.

2011

Amidst web-surfing on a mid-march afternoon, I checked my blog. Not only had I not updated it this month, the year has seen no action from this mediocre blogger. 2011 has been an interesting year, thus far. It will go down in the record books. The most joy was brought on by watching my beloved Packers win the Super Bowl. It was an amazing experience. I wished I was there, but still found time to celebrate and enjoy it. My songwriting has taken a bit of a hit, but two of the songs I started way back have been completed and I am very thrilled with how they sound. On the school front, I have three weeks left. CRAAZY. Its gone by so quick. I am very excited to be done, but not excited for the finding a job/practicum and also not excited to pay off that student load.... Anyways, I promise I'll continue soon, I've got some things that require my attention, but I will be back. I GUARANTEE IT!