Tell me where our time went, was it well spent?

Paramore. Good times. I hate not being able to sleep. It is just a fact. I am a deep sleeper. But the problem is I have difficulty falling asleep. I can't just lay there either. I learned that a long time ago. I cannot live inside of my head. It is a horrible thing. So I turn to How I Met Your Mother episodes. Boy, am I glad I have all of the seasons on DVD. I think tonight is a movie night though. It seems like you are up for less time if you fall asleep watching a movie that is an hour and a half, than falling asleep while watching your 5th episode of a television show. Anyways that is all. Shout out to Leah, whom I love dearly.

Depth

People live in fear. It's just a fact of life. Simple. Why? I have no idea. I think it is because I live in fear, too. And that is something I have never wanted to admit. What am I afraid of? Not the dark, or spiders, or anything miniscule like that. People who do live in fear and avoid the small things bother me because they waste so much of their life getting out of the way of possible situations that would be nothing had they not over-thought the worst case scenarios, which never happen anyways. My fears. One, that God does exist (which I honestly believe) and that I was not what he expected of me, and he is going to punish me for the things I did and did not do that I knew I should have or should not have done. But I believe he loved me enough to send his Son to die for me. How freaking crazy is that? The King of the Universe dying for Jonathan Zielke, and everyone else. I don't get it. I don't know why that is one of my fears. Maybe because I don't give him all of my life, like I was called to do. Because when it really comes down it, I can't even satisfy myself, how can I even begin to satisfy this Creator, impossible. Is his love really enough to cover the fact that I am a horrible person and could never live up to even the slightest of standards. That's what I have trouble dealing with. I know I can never escape his love and his grace and his mercy but why do I live in fear that I will?